Succeed in Life, Kill Yourself

I know 2 of my posts lately have been about suicide... but really, I'm not going to do anything stupid. Read on, and find out why suicide is a valid way to succeed in life (not that I endorse it, really, please don't kill yourself).

Success is inherently a qualitative thing. We can try to judge it by looking at numerous quantities, such as the amount of money, the number of cars, and the number of hot sexy wives, but all of these things just mean you are successful financially, and not necessaraly emotionally or physically. Even the richest can have heart problems, and they are by no means spared the troubles of life or the danger of various phychological disorders.

However, I think I have come up with a way to quantify success. Success financially means nothing if you are not happy, therefore only emotional success means something. Using this as a basis, we can then quantify success as the happiness factor (ranging from o to 10, 10 being the most awesome) multiplied by the duration of the happiness period in hours. But a persons happiness does not only depend on how much they succeed, it also depends on how much they fail. Therefore, we must also find the fail by taking the unhappiness factor (ranging from 0 to 10 where 10 is the worst), multiplied by the time in hours that this unhappiness lasted. This gives us the fail that a person has experienced. Once this whole thing has been calculated for the entire lifetime of a person (I suggest a journal if you're going to keep track, its sometimes hard to recall all of the events that had happened), you divide the total success by the total failure and you get the success ratio.

This ratio is how happy the person in question is. If its greater than one, then you are happier, and the greater it gets the better. the closer to 0 the worse off you are.

Now, how does all of this have to do with suicide? Well, let me explain. A child experiences emotions much stronger than most adults. They are eigther the best, or the worst, and children are much happier than adults since they do not have to deal with things like affairs, love, and other random things that generally make people unhappy. Therefore, if you kill yourself early in life, say, before you are 12 (before puberty is optimal since you are not bothered with the opposite sex), your success ratio is much higher than it would have been if you went through the miserable stages of life.

Not that I think suicide is smart.